Conflict

Conflict is a part of life that none of us can escape. No matter how easy going we are (which I am not at all) or how much we try to avoid it (which I also do not do), it will always be there and it can be so difficult to deal with when our emotions get in the way of clear thinking and prevent us from being able to truly seek God's perspective. When I was younger I would have said that I was really quite good at dealing with conflict but as I have grown older and have more responsibilities, it has only become more complicated and I find it increasingly difficult to see things clearly in times of conflict and end up doing and saying things I later regret.

Last week at this time I was unpacking after a week long vacation to Mexico, just me and my husband. We shipped the kids off to their grandparents and had an amazing week of fun and sun to celebarte our ten year anniversary. 

      

It was the first time in four years (since my daughter was born) that I actually felt myself relax and remember who I was apart from being a mom. It was so refreshing to have time to read, think and ponder.

       

The book I read while we were there was Unglued by Lysa Terkeurst. On the cover of the book it says "Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions" and the book centres around how we can deal with conflict in a more healthy and productive way instead of just coming "Unglued." As soon as I saw the title of this book on Amazon I knew that it would be a great book for me and when I saw the cover, the book had to be mine.

 I can't tell you how many times a day I feel like I am the woman in this picture. Sometimes it feels like my kids have been put here on earth just to make me completely insane! A week away from the madness was the perfect time for me to read this book because it gave me the space I needed to soak up the rich advice and helpful suggestions that it had to offer. My book is now full of underlines, circled paragraphs, and stars beside the stuff that I really want to remember.

After finishing the book there is one part that continues to ring in my mind on a daily basis and it is a verse that the author mentions found in Ephesians 6:12:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

I have heard this verse many times and actually have it posted up in my kitchen as a reminder of the perspective I need when dealing with conflict. Lysa Terkeurst explains in her book that this verse tells us that as much as we think that other person is the one who is against us, that really our only enemy is satan. It is only him on the other side and as we get mad at eachother and hurt one another, we are only doing satan's work for him. She says, "The secret to healthy conflict resolution isn't taking a you-against-me stance, but realizing it's all of us against Satan - he's the real enemy." She goes on to say that a "Jesus girl who rises up and unexpectedly gives grace when she surely could have done otherwise reveals the power and the mystery of Christ at work in her life and in the world." I believe that this is true. I think that every time we choose to do what goes against our human nature and speak kindly when someone deserves to be yelled at or be gracious even when the other person is being completely unfair or irrational, we magnify God's power at work within us and glorify him.

When I look at conflict through the lens of this verse it becomes a challenge and a fight of good against evil and my response becomes so clear. It is with this perspective that I can forget myself in those moments that I would normally be completely self-absorbed and see the bigger picture.

A few verses later in Ephesians 6:19 Paul writes:

Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel.

So friends, let's pray for each other. When you see someone struggling to be patient with their toddler (this will most likely be me) or hear of conflict among friends or loved ones, pray for them. Dealing with conflict in a way that glorifies God is not easy. It goes against what we really want to do and we need to be prayer warriors for each other and unleash God's power into the situations of those who are also on our side.